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Following that same instinct, on this appropriately overcast day, I’m rushing through a damp and uneven, grassy cemetery to a burial. My black umbrella hooked on my wrist lurches as I avoid running. I’m just in time to see the casket drop into the ground and watch the modest crowd slowly scatter.Oddly, I noticed I’m self talking as if dictating this day to my recorder in real time to soothe my instinct. My brain is fuzzy as if watching myself from an out of body view. Though no one acknowledges me, I approach the bereaved with condolences. As I shake their hands and offer worthless words and watch their surprised “who the hell is this” reactions, I spot another latecomer arriving from my 12.Her slim, curvy figure is covered in dark, but not black, snug clothes. Her cap and veil crown her neatly coiffed blonde hair, yet are black and askew — a bit too whimsical for a burial. Looking at her above-the-fetching-knees skirt, her exposed, shapely and enticing legs are creating a response. She saw herself again makingbreakfast. Again, Aaron walked up behind her as she flipped thepancake. Aaron put his arms around her and slid his hands down thefront of the body stopping at her baby bump. There it was again, thatbump. The baby bump brought home another crashing reality about beinga woman.When Beth was Ken he had thought about what it would be like to makehis wife pregnant and having to go through pregnancy and childbirthwith her. He assumed it would be hard for his wife, but he would besupportive, and he didn't give the pain of pregnancy and childbirthmuch thought.Now Ken was Beth and she was the one with a uterus and vagina. And sheknew how tight and small that space was! And a baby was much biggerthan the birth canal that she now owned.When Ken became Beth he hadn't really thought about pregnancy otherthan in the abstract. He knew pregnancy was a consequence of his newgender. But it seemed so far off. He didn't see himself in arelationship, and he definitely.
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